Times I Tasted a Shoe

• When I described catheters as being lovely.
• When I used the words bacon and gangrene in the same sentence at the dinner table.
• Describing milk on the verge of going sour as "it being dry, but you can drink it, but not really".
• When I refused to believe a patient named George* was actually George* when he looked more like a Georgina.
• Complaining when I needed to put another hole in a friend's belt that was much too large for me.
• When talking to a colleague about suicidal patients that had missed their appointments and saying "I hoped they hadn't taken the easy way out".
• When I honestly believed the lyrics of a popular song were "sweet dreams are made of cheese".

*Name has been changed.

That's all.