Hold On To Your Hair

There are a few moments in a girl's life where she wishes she could sink into the ground and never surface again. This is one such moment:

During a workshop a very excited presenter couldn't help wave his arms around vigorously while talking. The presenter didn't notice an unsuspecting woman sitting in the front row who was within his waving range. He ended up hooking the cuff button of his blazer on to this poor woman's hair piece and removed it from her head in one swift movement. Leaving the poor woman shocked and hair-pieceless... and the presenter confused, as he peered down at the black mass hanging from his sleeve. All the ladies in the room cringed on the woman's behalf. She handled it well though. She smiled, ripped it off his sleeve and returned it to its rightful place on her head.

That's all.

What a Pretty Bush

Conversation that occurred in a conservative household in Durban:

Friend 1: My mother is considering firing our domestic.

Friend 2: What? Why?!

Friend 1: She made the gardener plant dagga in our garden.

Friend 2: You have dagga growing in your garden?!

Friend 1: Yes. My gran found it the other day.

Friend 2: Your gran? You guys didn't see it?

Friend 1: No.

Friend 2: Hahahaha. Sorry but it's funny that in a house filled with doctors no one was able to recognise a dagga plant.

Friend 1: It is so bad! How could our domestic do this.

Friend 2: You know your little niece plays in the garden and enjoys force feeding me Biryani she made from leaves. Just saying...

Friend 1: We have to get rid of it!

Friend 2: I suggest a bonfire and invite me over. That will be fun after a rough day hehehe.

Friend 1: Yeah and my gran will probably join in.

Friend 2: She can dance around the fire hahaha!

Friend 1's disapproving brother who had been listening: Yes and then we will probably all end up at King John* (psychiatric hospital I work at).

*name has been changed

That's all.

Crouching Tiger Upward Facing Dragon

During an interview with my 76 year old patient, she insisted I feel how firm her quads and glutes are. She then proceeded to show me how flexible she is by doing this move, repeatedly, in the consulting room:

A few other things I learnt from my enlightening hour with this lady:

• Honey never gets old. Historians have found honey in tombs with mummies.
• Apple cider vinegar can cure many ailments.
• "Ink is better than think" (particularly helpful if you presenting with signs of dementia)
• Muslim people are meticulously clean. Meticulously. And also generous.
• My thighs feel like jelly compared to hers.

That's all.

Trailblazer

After this acceptance speech at the MTV Movie Awards, Emma Stone solidified her title as one of my favourite actresses:

“So, I looked up the actual definition of trailblazer, and it means ‘someone who blazes a trail to be followed by others.’ And that’s an honor that you’re associated with a concept like that, but the only thing I can hope that something like this award inspires is originality. Because the trailblazers that I’ve looked up to and been inspired by are people like Gilda Radnor and Bill Murray and John Candy; and Charlie Chaplin, and the Beatles, and J.D. Salinger; and Lorne Michaels, who reminds me of the importance of comedy; and Cameron Crowe, whose work consistently reminds me why I want to be an actor. Those people are my creative trailblazers, but I’m not following any of their paths. What’s incredible about them is they make me want to be more myself, because they’re all originals. And I hope that you’ll find your trailblazers — and trust me, I do not need to be one of them, I probably shouldn’t be — but that you’ll continue to harness your own originality and what makes you unique. Because I know that when you’re a teenager, and even sometimes when you’re an adult, what sets you apart can feel like a burden. And it’s not; a lot of the time, it’s what makes you great.” - Emma Stone

That's all.