I received a phone call around 22h00 one evening from my grandmother. At first I was concerned something was wrong but I soon learnt that my grandmother had only called to tell me she had something to give me that belonged to my late grandfather. My grandfather had passed away a couple of months ago and my grandmother has since been giving each family member something special in remembrance of him. My grandmother told me that before my grandfather had died, they had discussed this specific heirloom and they had both agreed it reminded them of me and I would love it.
This is what my beloved grandfather left me:
Just in case you can't make out what it is, it is a skunk/squirrel tail key ring. I am not exactly sure why this reminded my grandparents of me, and I will probably never use it as a key ring, but I do love it and will keep it forever!
(The key ring is currently taking residence in my mother's car until I go home to collect it. She fears it will trigger her allergies should she take it into the house).
That's all.
Patient: Are you that actress?
OT: No
Patient: Weren't you in that movie?
OT: I highly doubt it.
Patient (to his friend): Remember we saw her in that movie last night?
Patient's friend: Ummm...
(Security guard who has become annoyed with the patient's loitering makes a few remarks in Xhosa and both the patient and his friend disperse).
That's all.
- I carry a hand made funnel, for petrol emergencies, in my boot.
- I know where my fuse box is.
- I know what a fuse box is.
- I know how to change a fuse (all thanks to a helpful friend).
- I drove into a boom-gate and came out unscathed.
- I am able to change a tyer and jump start a car (both involve flashing some leg).
- I've misplaced my car but always end up finding it eventually.
That's all.
On a some-what serious note, individuals should strive to use terms that do not carry any negative connotations. Here are a few you might be unaware of:
- The term Mentally Retarded should be replaced with Intellectually Impaired.
- Psychiatric Patients are now known Mental Health Care Users.
- A Schizophrenic no longer exists but is rather termed a Person with Schizophrenia.
- A Dwarf should be referred to as Vertically Challenged (OK I'm kidding about this one but I still wont go around calling anyone a dwarf).
That's all.
- Converse Allstars are the devils shoes.
- Lizards in trees are actually crocodiles.
- Geckos enjoy jumping on women and sucking blood from their breasts.
- Anyone with brown skin and vaguely straightish hair is WITHOUT a doubt Indian.
That's all.
Some people cannot understand why I am always sleepy. What they do not understand is that this is and has always been a part of my personality:
One afternoon, when I was 4 years old, I wanted to have a nap but my mother refused to let me sleep until I had eaten my lunch. My mother placed me at the kitchen table in front of a plate of scrambled eggs and tomotoe sauce and left the room. A few minutes later she returned to find me sleeping with my face in the plate of scrambled eggs and tomotoe sauce. Up until this day I do not eat scrambled eggs and tomotoe sauce...
That's all
Four ways to increase your daily dietary intake of roughage:
- grass
- hard boiled egg with the shell on
- cigarette butts
- wood glue
- talcum powder
- paper
That's all.
